I wanted to do a post on emotions for today. Today is my first day back in real life…my maternity leave is over. Everyone tells you it’s going to be hard, but you have no idea how hard it actually is until the day comes. Yesterday, I spent the entire day crying. I couldn’t even look at my baby girl and not go to pieces. It’s really easy to make your life look incredibly glamorous on Instagram. We carefully choose our best shots (as pictured). We make our lives seem interesting. No one actually went to the gym if they didn’t post a picture of it (pictures or it didn’t happen 😂). In all actuality, we’re just people and we have raw human emotion. Yesterday I sat there and sobbed, and I have an included a picture of what that looks like, because it’s important for people to know you’re real, to know you’re authentic. I thought about how I wouldn’t get to run to my baby girls beck and call all the time when she cries during the day. There are “firsts” that she does that I won’t get to see first. It’s incredibly hard—the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I said that about giving birth…that giving birth was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But now, going back to the grind is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I think that’s probably what parenting is…topping your “hardest thing ever done” with new hardest things ever done. God bless the day she graduates, not sure I can handle it. The old me would stuff these emotions down deep within myself so I didn’t have to deal with them. The healthier me is trying to take every one of these emotions for what they are; feel them, embrace them and derive the lesson from them. I know that this will get harder before it gets better. As I always tell you guys, I’m going to tell myself this today: trust the process.
My sister from another mother, Brittany, told me that parenting/having a child is letting your heart walk outside of your body. Scarlett doesn’t walk yet, but she is my heart…roaming outside of my body. I never understood it before. You become this fierce warrior protector of your child; a true mama bear. She’s so incredibly special. So incredibly beautiful. So incredibly sweet. Our little girl is going to move mountains and I can’t wait to watch her do it.
When you are hit with an emotion, embrace it. Let it play out. Give it the attention and reverence it deserves. You are growing in emotional maturity when you allow this process to take place. In hurt, there is healing. TRUST THE PROCESS. ❤